i am an organism

punctured and spread thin onto a slide

kept closely under a microscope lense

excessive magnification.

perhaps i’ll be kept in an Erlenmeyer in case i explode

i’ll be contained.

or in a petri dish

i’ll slowly crawl and bleed out

until i’ve reached enough to cause concern.

and it will be too late to contain me.

and yet,

i may be kept behind a case

with a little sign

reading, ‘wonder’.

and i will be awed

but untouched

and misunderstood

and glourious.

i am at an undisclosed location upon being kicked out of my house and have been for two days.

i have no identity or access to my money as i threw my bag in the street in a half-mile running spree as a result of a drunken, mad and outright revealing fit of my inner feelings in which i screamed at the top of my lungs that if i would’ve driven at that time of night, i would’ve hoped i crashed.

i have awful little speckles going across my face and down my neck from broken blood vessels from screaming and crying and breathing really hard.

i might move here until college. i’m not very sure i’ll be completely happy but it’ll be better than my dad’s.

i spoke to him today for the first time since friday night and his tone was cold and uncaring.

i am such a strange mix between feeling as though he owes me absolutely everything and that i’m a burden and should just stay out of his and his girlfriend’s way.

i can fathom the thought of getting a job while living here but really don’t think i’ll be able to physically keep up with it. my thoughts are always clouded and i’m literally always tired.

i don’t know what i did to deserve feeling like this but i just don’t feel like i’m cut out for this world.

all i want to do is sit in a room and paint and draw and listen to music and blog with my legs crossed indian style and i don’t even need that much money. i just want peace and why is that too much to ask.